Supportive Behavior

Understanding what the survivor might be going through

Sexual assault represents the ultimate loss of personal power. A survivor of sexual assault can be left with both physical and emotional injuries.

After an assault, a survivor begins a difficult personal struggle to

• take back control,
• recover the losses, and
• heal the unseen injuries to the mind and soul.

Survivors can experience a wide range of emotional and physical reactions immediately following an assault. A survivor may

• feel fear, anger, powerlessness, panic, guilt, self-blame, embarrassment, or
• she/he could be in shock and feel nothing;
• a survivor may even laugh, appearing almost unaffected.

If a survivor does not seem to be affected now, at some point, an event may trigger the survivor's memory of the assault, which means that it may seem as if the assault has just taken place.

If a survivor has no memory of the assault, she/he may feel "crazy", wondering what is happening to her/him.

It is natural for you to want to help the survivor recover as quickly as possible, but there are no set timetables. Each survivor will heal in her/his own way, and at her/his own pace.

Your support, concern, and understanding are important factors in her/his healing.

How You Can Be Supportive

• Believe her/him, unconditionally!
• Reassure the survivor that you love him/her, that his/her feelings are normal, and that you know the assault was not his/her fault.
• Encourage the survivor to make her/his own decisions and then to support them whether you agree with those decisions or not – this can help your loved one regain a sense of control over her/his life.
• Remember that everyone deals with sexual assault differently and recovers within their own time frame.
• Encourage but don't force her/him to talk – let your loved one know that you are there to listen and offer support when they are ready.
• Give feedback and try to validate her/his feelings and behavior.
• It is common and natural to feel rage toward the assailant. It is important to find healthy ways to express your anger without further traumatizing the survivor.
• Respect the confidentiality and privacy of the survivor.
• Let the survivor know that professional help is available.