Male Survivors

Emotional Effects

Men experience many of the same emotional responses as women who have experienced sexual trauma—anger, anxiety, confusion, depression, difficulty with emotional and physical intimacy, dissociation (commonly referred to as “spacing out” or detaching body awareness from feeling), helplessness, hopelessness, isolation, low self-esteem, self-blame/self-hatred, and shame. Shame can be particularly difficult for men to overcome during their healing from sexual abuse. This is due, in part, to many of the societal barriers that prevent men from accessing help. For example, a boy may fear a homophobic response if he discloses abuse by a man, or he may fear ridicule if he did not enjoy a sexual experience with an older female and names it abuse as opposed to “getting lucky.” Some additional factors that intensify the shame include many of the gender stereotypes that keep men restricted to the kind of person who isn’t allowed to have feelings, be a victim, or ask for help.

Children who are abused can be very emotionally isolated. The abuser can force the child to keep the abuse a secret. If the abuser is a family member, the child may worry about what will happen to the family if the secret is told. The burden of the secret can be carried into adulthood. Carrying a secret, and the abuse itself, can make the survivor feel different and apart from others, not like a normal person.

Self-blame and guilt

As a child, you may have thought you were to blame for the abuse. You may have felt that the abuse was punishment for something you did wrong. The abuser may, in fact, have told you this was the case. Children usually assume that adults, who are in a position of authority, are right. The guilt and shame felt by the child can persist into adult life.

Betrayed trust

As an abused child, your trust was betrayed, perhaps by someone trusted by the family, or even by a family member. When this happens it can be difficult to trust again. It can be difficult when you’re and adult survivor to trust in yourself, as well as to trust others.

Experiencing triggers

If you were sexually abused as a child, there may be things that trigger memories. These include not only obvious things like childbirth, Pap smears , or the way your partner touches you sexually, but also everyday things such as colors, kinds of furniture or vehicles, sounds, or smells that bring back memories or feelings associated with the abuse.

Challenges for adult survivors

Relationships

Abused children are forced to do what the adult abuser wants. The adult's wants come before the child's needs. Sometimes the child has also been charged with keeping the abuse a secret, at their own expense, to protect their family. As a result of this kind of abuse, adult survivors may feel they have to put the needs of others above their own by feeling protective of others, and over-responsible. In relationships, the survivor may have problems asserting themselves. This may be with friends, partners, relatives, or people at work. Some survivors have problems in sexual relationships, because sex and physical contact may recall the circumstances of the abuse.

Anger

Some adult survivors report problems with anger. It may be anger that is hard to direct, such as anger with fate or God. Adult survivors may feel angry with themselves for not being able to stop the abuse, angry with the abuser, or angry with parents or care givers for not protecting them.

Depression

Some adult survivors report depression as a symptom of abuse. Research shows, in fact, that depression is the most frequently reported symptom (Berliner & Elliot, "Sexual abuse of children," in Briere et al (eds), The APSAC handbook on child maltreatment, 1996).

Fear, anxiety, and always feeling on guard

Fear and anxiety are normal responses to trauma, and so is feeling the need to be on guard against possible danger. Researchers have found survivors of sexual abuse are up to five times more likely to be diagnosed with at least one anxiety disorder than other people (Saunders et al, "Child sexual assault as a risk factor for mental disorder among women: a community survey," in Journal of Interpersonal Violence 7, 1992).

Self-harming, addictive, compulsive, and suicidal behaviors

Many survivors develop strategies to avoid overwhelming feelings and memories and the pain associated with them including: